Parenting in Crisis
How to Manage Stress and Overwhelm in Today’s World
As parents, we’ve all felt it—the weight of expectations, the exhaustion, and the worry that we aren’t doing enough. But recently, the Surgeon General of the United States, Dr. Vivek Murthy, released a powerful advisory that highlights something that I think all parents have known and felt in recent years: parents today are under immense pressure. While much of the focus has been on the mental health crisis affecting teens, it turns out that parents are facing their own silent crisis.
According to a 2023 survey by the American Psychological Association, 41% of parents report that most days, they feel so stressed they can’t function, while 48% say most days their stress is completely overwhelming. These numbers are nearly double those reported by adults who aren’t parents. So, why is this happening, and what can we do about it?
The Parenting Stress Paradox
The advisory reveals that parents today are juggling more than ever. From sleep deprivation in early childhood to managing kids' emotional, academic, and social transitions in adolescence, it seems like the demands just keep piling on. And it’s not just about raising our children anymore; many of us are also part of the “sandwich generation,” caring for aging parents while trying to meet the needs of our own kids.
Financial stress is another big player. With the cost of childcare skyrocketing, 66% of parents report being consumed by money worries—far more than non-parents. Nearly a quarter of families are even struggling to meet basic needs like food and housing, which pushes the stress needle off the charts.
Why We’re All Feeling Overwhelmed
The advisory breaks down why parents are so overwhelmed. It turns out, we’re not just working more—mothers' work hours have increased by 28% since 1985 (20.9 to 26.7 hours per week, on average)—we’re also spending more time on direct childcare (11.8 hours a week vs 8.4 hours a week in 1985). That means mothers had experienced a 40% increase in the time they spend directly caring for their children in the last 40 years AND they’re working more outside the home. Crazy, right?
And it’s not just moms, fathers are working more (39.8 hours per week in 1985 vs 41.2 hours in 2022) and their involvement in direct childcare has also increased, by a whopping 154% (2.6 hours per week in 1985 vs. 6.6 hours in 2022).
The more time we spend working and caring for our kids, the less time we have for ourselves, which leads to burnout.
And let’s not forget about social media and technology. 70% of parents say that parenting is harder today than it was 20 years ago, and it’s no wonder—our kids are exposed to a world of influences that we never had to deal with. From cyberbullying to school shootings, to the constant pressure to fit into an unattainable ideal mold portrayed on social media, in 2024 we’re faced with new challenges in keeping our children safe and emotionally healthy.
Mental Health Matters
The link between parental stress and mental health is undeniable. In fact, 23.9% of parents have been diagnosed with a mental illness. and many more are on medication for anxiety or depression. Parents are twice as likely as non-parents to experience depression. Mental health struggles in parents often have a ripple effect on children, leading to unstable home environments, poor mental and physical health, and behavioral problems in kids.
But here’s the thing: it’s okay to ask for help. If you’re feeling overwhelmed, you’re not alone. And there are resources out there—whether it’s through therapy, community support, or just finding someone to talk to. Programs like Medicare/Medicaid and telehealth services make it easier than ever to access the mental health care you need, even if time or money is tight.
Building a Village
One of the key takeaways from the Surgeon General’s advisory is the importance of connection. Parenting was never meant to be a solo sport. We need each other. The loneliness that so many parents feel can be alleviated by reaching out and building a network of support. Whether it’s asking a friend to help with childcare or joining a community of parents, fostering those connections can make all the difference. Allow yourself to be vulnerable, and open yourself to giving and receiving support. You will build trusting friendships, feel less alone and happier.
We also need to be open about our struggles. Let’s normalize the conversation around parental stress, so no one feels like they have to pretend they’ve got it all together when they don’t. When we support one another, we all thrive—and so do our kids.
Taking Action: How to Manage Parental Stress
If you’re feeling overwhelmed by the demands of parenting, here’s a simple exercise to help reduce stress and calm your nervous system: the physiological sigh. This technique, developed by Stanford researchers, is scientifically proven to reduce stress more effectively than mindfulness meditation.
Here’s how it works:
Take a deep breath in through your nose until you feel about 80% full.
Pause, and then inhale a little more through your nose.
Slowly exhale through your mouth for as long as possible.
This deep breath activates your parasympathetic nervous system, which helps you relax. Practice this a few times a day, especially when you’re feeling okay, so it becomes easier to use when you’re feeling stressed. Five minutes a day has been shown to have profound positive impacts on reducing stress hormones and anxiety. It’s an easy skill to teach your kids too, maybe make it part of your bedtime routine?
Final Thoughts
Parenting is hard, but you don’t have to do it alone. By taking care of yourself, building a support network, and being open about your struggles, you’re not only helping yourself—you’re setting an example for your children. They’ll see you prioritize mental health, seek out support, and find balance, which will empower them to do the same.
So, if you’re feeling overwhelmed, take a breath, reach out, and know that you are doing the best you can. You’ve got this.
